Waiting Game

(I imagine I'd be surprised at how many people feel this way, too, about their own lives, and this sounds more like some faux-introspective college journal entry than I intended it to. But, it's true, even if it's not original.)

When I think back on my life, it hurts me to think about how much time I've wasted, just waiting for something to happen. I'm good at waiting. I'm good at pretending, even to myself, that I'm living, when I'm really just waiting.

I spent most of high school waiting to go to college, so that my real life could start. I knew I was waiting. High school sucked; there seemed little reason to try and make something better of it.

I spent most of college waiting to graduate, so that my real life could start. College wasn't what I expected, and I didn't know how to make it better, and I was scared to try.

Extremely Local Politics

On Tuesdays, Boo has gymnastics. (Wednesdays Mimi has soccer, Thursdays we all have therapy. It's always something.) After gymnastics, because Tuesdays are also "kids-eat-free" days at several area restaurants, we usually go out to eat. This past Tuesday, though, I can only assume the kids were a little burned out on eating at sit-down restaurants after last week and requested McDonald's. I was too tired to argue the point, and also did not want to MAKE dinner, so we went to McDonald's.

Yesterday was also Michigan's Republican primary, and the giant flat-screen tv in the McD's dining room was tuned to CNN. The girls were paying no attention until they saw a map of Michigan appear, at which point they were all "hey! That's us! What is up with that?"

This is how I ended up explaining democracy (the Cliff notes version) over a Filet-o'-Fish.

I should have just shown them "America Rocks" instead.

Now For Something Completely Different

Last week I took my kids to Walt Disney World. The Happiest Place on Earth (tm). We were accompanied by my mom and dad, because I might be foolish enough to take my kids to Disney but I'm not fool enough to try to do it by myself.

I used a chunk of last year's tax refund to fund this trip. I'm only sharing this information because the fact that I have struggled financially before and since my divorce is no secret, and I heartily dislike when people question my actions on the basis of "can you really afford that?" because they think they know what my situation is. The information anyone has out there in cyberland about my finances is limited and incomplete, and all you really need to know is that I am able to pay my bills these days, so no worries. I've never taken my kids on vacation before, and this was an opportunity I may not have again for a long time, so I took it. Irresponsible, a little, maybe, but worth it.

Why I'm Pro-Choice

(copied over from my tumblr.)

I made a comment on a friend’s Facebook post today that I am going to expand on here, because I have so much more to say. This post is emotional and more confrontational than I normally get, and if it offends you — well, it does. I’m not going to apologize for that. I do welcome honest and respectful discussion of differences. I don’t allow personal attacks.

Birth Day (imported post)

With the presents unwrapped and the cake eaten, tonight I can only think about a family on the other side of the world who are likely remembering that this day nine years ago they left their newborn daughter.

Someone -- mother, father, grandmother, we will likely never know -- left her, from everything that I know and believe to be true, somewhere safe, somewhere she would soon be found. But she was left, and they have no way of knowing that tiny infant, less than a day old the last time her mother saw her face, is now so loved, safe and warm, snuggled in bed asleep between her sister and her giant panda pillow.

That baby girl waited 27 months from that first day until she had a family again, and despite that this amazing, complicated, resilient, remarkable child has a smile that lights up the world. A smile her first mother has never seen.


Thank you, unknown family, for the daughter we share.